The best my words can get. The worst my life can be.
They say that if one wishes for a certain thing and keeps it in mind and heart with much belief, one will get it.

Looking back, I did not want my dream as much as I do now. And even if I did, I know that I wanted it for the wrong reasons. So, I do not blame God for not giving it to me the first time I tried to get hold of it.

I stand today taking the second and perhaps the last chance I will ever get for me to live the one dream that will define the life ahead of me. And I know that this time, I want it not because I want to have pride burning in me but because I have given a valve in my heart for this-- a big one at that. So I'm wondering why the occurences of today do not reflect the occurence of my dream in the future. 87, 88 and 85 do not speak of my dreams. Every plate I make, in fact every line I make, I do for my dreams. Yes, reader, that is how much I am in love with my dream, that is how much I have built my life around it. This time, I do not want to fail. I want to believe that I have given enough of myself or at least of my want to it for it to be finally mine. As much as I do not want to, God has been trying to break me. I do not know if it is my fault that my art is not great enough for a 2.0. That is not much. Then again, I've been crawling on the pavement to get it. And if I were doing that literally, I'd be bruised and bloody by now. Dead, even.

I do not know what God wants for me to do. He has given so much to others. He has gotten enough of life from me.

I hope this time He will give me something, and that something, hopefully, would be UP.

I have lost my verses, my sound, my sight and my soul. I have lost enough. I pray that time will not steal from me the dream that is mine, the one that I pray will be in sync with now and reality. In that moment, I will be happy. And fulfilled.